Top 40 Tipple Game

Who here has played a drinking game?

Let's face it, most people have, at least once. You don't need to have enjoyed it. Most of them are just expressions of our latent masochism. From perennial favourite "I've Never" to the protean and punishing "Ring of Fire", it's all about the agony baby. And in the end, you start to forget how they are played - which is why simplicity is sometimes key.

Then there's drinking games that are based on watching or listening to things. Who's heard of the Roxanne drinking game? Two teams, both listening to the song Roxanne by the Police - one who takes a shot whenever they hear the word Roxanne, one takes a shot whenever they hear the term Red Light. It sounds like a sure-fire way to end up on the floor.

Myself and my crew recognise a variant of the Studio Ghibli / Miyazaki Drinking Game. If you've ever watched one, see if this sounds familiar:

• 1 Drink - Landscape that looks like Wales.
• 1 Drink - Thing flies that clearly shouldn't.
• 1 Drink - Non-human character makes a snarky comment.
• 1 Drink - Character has ridiculous facial hair.
• 1 Drink - Character's face fills the screen.
• 3 Drinks - Character with ridicuous facial hair's face fills the screen.
• Bonus - 1 Drink - Character design has been in previous Ghibli movie.

You're imagining being shitfaced by the thirteenth minute of Kiki's Delivery Service, right? (You should be. I've seen it happen.)

Who pays attention to the top 40?

It's kind of gone to shit over the years, hasn't it? But this isn't about the quality of the music. This is a bit of an exploration of the themes that I have noticed to be prevalent. We're not gonna pick on the super-obvious ones - casual sexism, auto tune - but we ARE gonna play for keeps, which is that by the end of these forty songs, you will be wishing you'd stayed home.

Without further ado.

• 1 Drink - Rihanna, Drake, Justin Beiber, Nicki Minaj, Arianna Grande or DJ Khaled. (Because jesus christ they are fucking everywhere. Like all the time.)
• 3 Drinks - At least two of the above in the video, though not necessarily contributing musically. (This is especially relevant to Rihanna and Drake.)
• 1 Drink - The rhythm section, for at least half of the song, sounds like it was recorded in a submarine. (Meant to sound like you're outside the club or something?)
• 1 Drink - Main hook of the instrumental is either a rubbish sample of a trumpet or a synth section that sounds like steel drums. (This shit is ubiquitous.)
• 1 Drink - Song actually sounds like a really toxic relationship. (THIS IS SO COMMON. Like just listen to some of this shit.)
• 1 Drink - Lyrics feature the words Work. (Seriously. It kills me.)
• 1 Drink - Beat structure is kick-kick-kick-kick-kick-kick-kick-SNARE. And that's as complex as it gets. (TRY PEOPLE. TRY. FOR GOD'S SAKE.)

...that's all we need for now. Because frankly that will get us pretty sloshed before we've even reached number 20.

Do you, the reader, notice any other trends?