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Saturday 24 December 2016

Christmas Quiz

So as I again fall flat on the "having the will to engage with truly shitty politics" front, I asked my nearest and dearest to provide me with questions and topics for conversation - and you did not disappoint.

So with a wide variety of choices (a lot of which came from one source to be honest, hey Ryan what's up), here's the questions and answers - with some names removed to protect the innocent.

  • Favourite covers of well known Christmas songs? - The Puppini Sisters do a very good version of my favourite Christmas song, "Step Into Christmas" by Elton John. I also love the Jackson 5 version of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".
  • Favourite wrapper designs of chocolate bars. - Difficult. Most of them are so samey. I think, though, I have always been a fan of the Double Decker:

  • Or even favourite contents of wrappers of chocolate bars. - ...Double Decker. Or Hundred Grand for you yankees. (This question almost started a fight between myself and Piers for some ungodly reason.)
  • More interestingly favourite designers of chocolate wrappers - Mast Brothers.
  • Tell your best and worst presents received and why. - The worst is easy. One of my aunts found it very difficult to understand I had grown up; so when I opened up a formed plastic Santa mask, sized for a ten year old, I wasn't sure quite what to do with it. Given that I was 19 at the time. The best? That is actually hard to put a finger on, but I daresay it was when a half-dozen of my besties actually clubbed together and got me an Xbox 360. I was trying not to cry the entire time. (I still talk to most of you. I love you folks.)
  • Gift you dreamed of most as a child. - So easy. THE ACTION FORCE MOBILE COMMAND CENTRE. Trailer is the G.I. Joe version. Picture is our one.

  • Lichtenstein - Incredibly low crime rates. Its last murder was back in 1997. Every year Prince Hans-Adam II invites all the residents to the local castle on their national holiday. It's the world's leading manufacturer of false teeth, and the national anthem goes to the same tune as God Save The Queen. What an incredibly odd little country. I'd quite like to visit.
  • Boobs! - Yes Glyn, they are very, very nice.
  • How the Coca Cola Company advertising board didn't think Saturnalia was catchy enough, so sponsored the Council of Nicea to think of something more hip with the young'uns? - It's a conspiracy. The Council of Nicea is actually just the board of the directors for Disney. Saturnalia was just the day they opened the Epcot Centre.
  • How despicable people who act in loan adverts with huge apr are. - The industry is despitable. From top to bottom. It is predatory and savage and chews up and spits out the most vulnerable members of society to make profits for those who will never need such a loan. The people who act in those ads? They can say they are just doing a job, and to a point they are right. But then - so were Belsen's guards and the riot cops firing on Civil Rights protesters. I think we need to end predatory finance. Doing so may be dificult. But we're better than this.
  • True history of the season, and how other faiths have influenced it - Everyone's scared of the winter. When the routine of summer ceases to be productive, and the food has all been collected and stored away, and we are hoping that it lasts until spring - we need something else. We have needed something to cling to, for the longest time. We've found it in all sorts of rituals, some of which have become religion, some of which are psychological and deeply buried. The history of the season is that we can't stand the cold and the dark, and that we need each other to get through it. Only through each other, can we see ourselves through the shadow to the light on the other side.
  • The number of turkeys consumed in one day by the uk public and the coincidence of 'gobble gobble' as the main turkey language and a human action - 10 MILLION TURKEYS. That is a LOT of fucking turkeys. Jesus christ. And yeah. Gobble is about right. Though having heard turkeys make noise I don't think "gobble" sounds really right. It's a fun little onomatopaeia though.
  • Best and worst Christmas joke. - Both presented simultaneously so you don't know which is which. What's a dog's favourite christmas carol? Bark, the herald angels sing. What's a mathematician's favourite christmas snack? Mince pi.
  • These are both. - NO TONY GOD WHY (reprinted below)

  • Religion as a form of historic political control and why modern society is failing - Romans Chapter 13 literally tells us to always submit to authority because authority cannot exist on earth without God's blessing, so just do what they say, yeah? It's written into it, right there. Very easy. Use the same caveman fear of death to keep people in line. Why modern society is failing, well...the entirety of the rest of this blog should delineate my problems with society and how it fails people.
  • Klaus vs santa claus as an expression of right and left wing politics - all seriousness, isn't Santa the only example of Socialism looking great on paper but not working in real life? He wears red, and distributes gifts to all the little children regardless of locale - at least, on paper - but what REALLY happens is the bourgeoisie kids get a shedload of stuff and the disenfranchised workers get fuck all. Boom.
  • False and true nostalgia of Christmas growing up? What do you remember clearly and what us utterly false ? - I remember now that what I really wanted was presents and food. Call me a greedy spoiled shit but that's the truth. All the bright lights and everything else came across as very fake and forced, even when I was a kid. I just played along though - I didn't want to upset my family.
  • Christmas tv traditions? Where have xmas specials gone? Eg morecambe and wise? - ALWAYS watch the Queen's Speech. I dunno where the special swent, but I think we don't have the same personalities any more. It's easier to produce a throwaway panel show than it is a variety show. That said, I love Morecambe and Wise.
  • Top 10 things that make a good if not great Xmas? - All of them are being at home in the warm.
  • The ever expanding xmas period ie when does it start when does it end & why and how does it change? - See this pisses me off. How the hell do I have to give a holiday eight weeks lassitude? Like "Sorry but I'm not going to deal with you until after halloween", that is like almost a SIXTH OF THE YEAR, like EIGHT WEEKS. And some people think that is scroogey. I think it changes because people want things to be nice and happy like it was back when they were a kid and it was christmas, without realising that spending a shit ton of money and getting stressed out doesn't make the winter wonderland exist.
  • When did you stop believing in santa claus ? Why? How did you feel? - When I was young and I asked mum why the poor kids in other countries didn't get anything but I did. I felt...relieved? Because then this mythical superbeing wasn't just being nice to some of us but not everyone.
  • Time travelling snowmen ans the conqeucnes there of ? - The problem seems to melt away as soon as they feel any heat.
  • Ahh post spam. Constant notifications. Where is the off button! - IT'S BEHIND YOU
  • Is batman actually santa claus? - No. Batman exists.
  • I'm done - Yes you are.
  • Why spend so much? I love shopping all January as most are still trying to shift the xmas food store they have (in case shops don't open for a month) - Because people feel the need to compete and be generous. I dunno why. My gift-buying is sporadic and hard to predict, and usually depends on how much cash I actually have.

...and that's all she wrote, folks. There WILL be a year-end blog - but for this one, thank you all for your questions and comments! Remember, share it with anyone you think might appreciate!

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