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Sunday, 21 May 2017

You Postulate, I Prognosticate

Having run out of ways to express my current opinion at the political state of the world, I have turned to you, my readers and friends, to entertain and delight.

Standard Q&A format. Names removed to protect the innocent.

Firefly: Where do I even begin? One of the best shows on television. The scrappiest little show that should have lost the moment it began...but it didn't. It'll always hold a very special place in my heart.

Tropical beaches: Oh that sounds pretty wonderful.

New nicknames for Mopeyface McDumpster: I guess we mean the Commander In Cheeto, the Curtseying Clown, the White Russian?

Examine a selection of different Sci Fi futures and decide which is the most likely... : Okay so wow there's a lot that, right now, AREN'T very likely. All the ones in which we have a sudden expansion out into the stars under a single unified peaceful banner, for one thing. Some are more relevant - Fahrenheit 451, Handmaid's Tale, V For Vendetta. You know the one I think is the most likely? The Alien franchise. Space isn't inhabited by bold trailblazers. It's bored blue-collar workers moving big things back and forth under a corporate charter. And Earth is a shithole that nobody wants to go to. If you have to ask why, well...

Why Vin Diesel is the perfect human being: I don't believe in perfection. He's pretty high up on that scale though. Just listen to him talk when he plays Richard B Riddick.

Why we should all vote labour...? (ducks and runs for cover): Are you applying for the job of party whip or something? In all seriousness, I know I said no politics, but - vote whoever you have to, to get the Tories out.

Obedience in different countries: There are very interesting differences in how cultures view the expectation of obedience, and the corresponding expectation of rebellion AGAINST that obedience. Sometimes the two of these things aren't necessarily connected. Like how the Amish have their year of going wild and doing whatever the fuck they want, then they come back to an otherwise pretty stratified life? Whereas in the UK we have a similar thing with University but there's less expectation afterwards to just do as your told - though there's a big social pressure to just fit in and do what you are meant to do...which is another issue altogether.

The Alien franchise in relation to the new movie: Still my favourite franchise. Though tying Prometheus more closely into the mainline franchise - the highly mutable and frankly very strange Engineer bio-weapon adopting a structurally very stable though slightly morphic shape in the form of the xenomorph itself - is a welcome thing. There's still questions which need answering but there's sequels, and I look forward to those. And it keeps up the tradition of Alien. Space belongs to the roughnecks and the yahoos, not the pristine geniuses and lantern-jawed heroes of the pulp era.

Dibdabs. Stop motion animation in the modern world. Ice cream: Nice. Kubo and the Two Strings is fantastic and I am looking forward to the new Aardman project. I'm not a huge fan of ice cream.

Whether failure to implement the EMF directive will have significant long term health consequences: Probably not significant, but what do I know, that sounds more like your job than mine dude...

Turnips, Barbie Dolls: Both of them exist and I don't own either of them.

Cheese: Oh my god I fucking love cheese.

Your favourite misheard lyrics/song titles: So I have a few of these. Stuck In The Middle With You features a "Friendly Uncle Colin," Stupify by Disturbed is apparently about an angry chicken, and I can't tell you how many times I have sung the intro to Fuel by Metallica as being "GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME DABIJADESAH OOOH!" In terms of song titles I usually nail those...

Prolapses: Oh you nasty.

Anal leakages: OH YOU NASTY.

Losing a fake nail in a dog's bumhole: OH YOU FUCKIN NASTY TOO

The lack of roof terraced pubs in Ryde: This is actually a serious problem. I mean come on. I'd drink there. But then so many pubs and such are on a halfway hibernation until people have money again...

The possibility of hope in a post Trump post Brexit world: There always has to be hope. Has to be. As Charlie Chaplin said in The Great Dictator - as long as men die, tyranny can end.

Arsenal missing out on the UEFA CL next season: Who?

Favourite bits of the Isle of Wight: I'm quite fond of Ryde's beaches, Fort Victoria, the Downs, and most of Ryde when the sun is out...the views on my morning commute are pretty wonderful in the summer.

The Blame! Netflix original and the quality of anime on Netflix and whether or not they should just leave stuff like that to Crunchyroll, etc: I am all for every means of distribution that anime gets, even if that means of distribution also funds or produces more anime. When I first started getting into it, we were looking at having to import VHS tapes at massive markup, for the stuff that Manga didn't want to distribute itself - one of my buddies collected the entire Guyver series on VHS and that cost a BOMB as there were only three episodes per tape. Exclusivity pisses me off, though. So I am okay with Netflix AND Crunchyroll distributing stuff...but I will always look for better and more universal ways for such media to be accessed. Make it accessible, make it affordable, and you will make money.

Life of a pencil: How weird it must be to solely exist to turn ideas into physical representations of those ideas? And to get shorter every day of your life? Weird.

How the explosion in mainstream fantasy (game of thrones etc) Marvel and sci fi is an indicator of social dissatisfaction: You know what, I daresay it is. I also think it is an indicator that the "acceptable media" that people are expected and encouraged to consume has expanded somewhat in scope. Like can you imagine pitching Rick And Morty thirty years ago, or even Game of Thrones as a big glossy TV series? Television, movies and such have all changed a lot since the 90s, and are the better for it. But while there's always been the realism and the drama, like the holdouts of the world of grit that we live in, there's a lot more of the escapism that indicates people dream of far more. Given how shit we are capable of being to each other, I don't blame them.

Alien Covenant: Read up there somewhere. I loved it, as it stands. It wasn't Alien, it wasn't Prometheus, and it wasn't ever going to BE Alien. It was thoroughly acceptable.

The baywatch remake (remakes in general?): Ugh remakes. This kind of stuff generally pisses me off. Rarely you'll get a remake that is worth its salt, but usually it's a cynical cash-in on a name that people recognise that follows the standard currently-popular format. It's so rare that the people making the remake even reference the older material they are basically stealing from. Baywatch as a series was meant to be a drama as I recall, kind of like a soap opera. This remake is a parody. I don't know which I dislike more. Not even my beloved Dwayne can save it for me.

How are you going to take over the world?: Why would I want to? Shit is broken as hell. Besides, I wouldn't want the whole world. A nation would do. Just one. Just for me.

Boobs: Yes, lovely. (YAY! SOMEONE SAID BOOBS!)

Kittens: Also, very very lovely.

The English tradition of tea drinking: Not a big fan of tea myself - but I'm glad that some people enjoy it, and that we can bond over something.

Tattoos: Fucking hell yes. I love me some tattoos. Love seeing them, seeing people get them, getting them, love the idea of them. LOVE THEM. I'm planning my next one already.

The English tradition of tea drinking in terms of boobs and kittens: I have no fucking idea what you are talking about but whatever stops you from voting Tory on 8th June I suppose...

That's it folks. Thank you for your contributions. Next week there may be something a little more serious. Who can say?

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